December 2010
3 posts
2 tags
Now I want a baby fox. →
November 2010
4 posts
Answers
About two weeks ago, late in the evening, I was curled up in bed with my Bible, my journal and some art stuff, praying. I was reading through the gospel of Matthew and having a difficult time finishing the book. It seems like whenever I get to the part where Jesus is arrested, I just want the story to be over. I don’t want to read about his death. It always makes me cry. So I tend to avoid...
What would you do for a Klondik Bar?
Just kidding. But it rings true to what has been happening lately in my heart.
This past month I have felt heavy, achy, sad, yearning, hungry, etc. Ultimately I committed to not distract myself and just to wait in it. Wait with the weight of it. Wait for God to show up and answer my question, “Do you love me?”
As I wait I felt this question arise, as if from the Spirit (which Mark...
October 2010
12 posts
Craving
Yesterday and today I have been craving an enormous hot melty gooey chewy brownie with dark chocolate chunks smothered in vanilla bean ice cream and hot fudge sauce, hold the nuts please.
I have also had the yearning to go shopping, wander the aisles of a department store, try on shoes, and buy lots of pretty new things.
These have been my daydreams and longings for 48 hours- and if I had some...
Cupcakes for you →
Ditch
That sorrow I have been sitting in? Well, it lingers still. The ache has lessened but a question remains.
Whenever senseless tragedies happen in the world around me I am left with it. This sense of being out of control and powerless and helpless. It makes me question God’s goodness, love, mercy, and care. I wonder if he cares. If he sees. If he really loves me.
So tonight I sit in my...
Waiting in the ache
To say that my week has been “sad” would be an understatement. I am sitting at Grace, waiting for a client, and the stillness brings out my ache.
A child was killed this week.
He was hit by a car and the driver did not even care. The children at his school mourned and I was asked to watch.
I watched them cry, question, hold one another, weep, wail, rage, and sit in deep sorrow. I...
“Act out of who you are, not out of what we are.”
– Daniel’s prayer (Daniel 9)
St. Maarten
Learning to Relax.
Lesson #1. Be able to say NO. Be able to say NO to family when they want to drive around for three hours sightseeing and you would rather sit on your butt in a quiet room with a cheesy novel. Say NO to e-mail, phone messages, news updates, etc. Say NO to that voice inside telling you its bored. Say NO to being busy/ active/ productive.
Lesson #2. Choose whichever option feels...
Listen. →
“The ugliness of a woman is her beauty misconstrued.”
– Julia Sterne
September 2010
3 posts
Fall at last
I love fall, despite the fact that it is not distinct from summer in Florida. Even if we do not get leaves of burnt orange and rust I am enjoying the markers of this season - children in school, eggplants in the garden, less hot and muggy weather.
In one year I believe it will be different. Alastair and I will be in a land far away, a place of seasons and shifts. I long for that time and place....
new blog!
I have loved doing this blog- but I have not been the most diligent observer of life due to laziness and general lack of concern.
However, I am planning on starting a new blog! This one will be more focused and contain weekly updates, and maybe if 2x a week. It will be centered around counseling/ mental health/ psychology issues. Basically I have way too much material in my brain concerning these...
August 2009
13 posts
Summer's end
I am sitting here in my beautiful duplex, drinking home made Chai tea, watching an incredible storm rip apart the sky and drench my little herb garden. I love it. I am feeling very artsy and like it is a perfect time to blog.
I wish it was like this everytime I blogged. I feel like such a delightful cliche.
September is finally here and for me that is the most exciting news. I love when the...
Buy Local
I am in love with local businesses. Today I dragged Alastair to three little shops I have been dying to see. I love to just look around, to meet the owners, and to chat about business.
Today we went to:
The British Shoppe. This unassuming strip mall find is a rare gift. They have marmalade, teas, candy, and all sorts of British grocery products for anyone longing for London. I was tempted to buy...
The Serendipitous Misadventures of Julia
Upon arriving home from a rather drab meeting this morning I was excited to see some mail peeking out of our mail box. This was especially exciting considering our mail man has been MIA for a couple days. I quickly reached my hand in to grab the goodies when a flash of green lept before my eyes and I felt an enormous creature landing on my head.
I let out the most pathetic shriek as I furiously...
Praiseworthy
Things I enjoy that I can actually pat myself on the back for doing: (in no particular order)
Running. Super good for you. Three times a week, yes please.
Yoga. I am a sucker for power yoga - the normal kind usually makes me squirm with impatience. Ironic.
Swimming. Alastair and I try to go once a week. I love it.
Bicycling. My favorite way to get around town. Nice to the earth and nice to my...
Today's Confession and Hope
What a cheezy title haha. I must have cheese on the brain. I was craving mac’n’cheese something fierce for lunch. However, as you may know by now, cheese is my kryptonite. My DNA starts to unravel anytime dairy enters my system (ok so I am being melodramatic but it sounds better than what actually happens- and I am too ashamed to mention that in such a public outlet).
So, anyway, I...
Ezekiel
So, reading through Isaiah, then Jeremiah, Lamentations and now Ezekiel is not my favorite section of the Bible. I sit here and reflect on the plethora of “desolation” “destruction” “down to the Pit (Sheol)” “cut down by the sword” “to never rise again” “forever”. FORRRREVERRRRR (anyone seen Sandlot?)
Sheesh.
That is pretty...
Jeremiah
What a tough book. God got really pissed at the Israelites and basically promises desolation, exile, and doom the entire book. Way to go Jeremiah.
But what does this wrathful God require? Twenty hail mary’s? Giving $1000 to charity? Loving your neighbor?
No. He asks us to turn. He sadly looks down from his throne and asks us to come back, back to him, to his way, his commands, his love and...
obedience
sucks.
Why is it that we are so hell bent on living life our own way?? And by hell bent, I mean, hell bent. I am stubborn and willful and I have a plan and I want it to go my way. It sounds terrible, and it is. Especially when I have a loving God asking me to follow, surrender, submit, let go, be willing, meek, teachable, soft, and open to Him.
Well, I am praying a lot for Him to soften my...
I will follow hard after you
I was sitting in church tonight feeling particulary sad and frustrated. One of our pastors Jeff was sharing an encouraging talk on God being our comforter and with us in time of trouble (from 2 Corinthians 1:3-10). He opened with a story of a past trial and his resentment towards God in the situation. I am where he was.
I feel angry, frustrated, burdened, sad, fearful and stressed. I am mad at...
July 2009
9 posts
trusting God
I am in a dilemma. How do we trust God and do what is right, when everything rational says it is some sort of social or financial or any other form of suicide? How do we take those leaps when it impacts those around us who do not fully understand our decision? How can we get them to trust in our trust of God?
birthday present
My love bought me an ice cream maker. I am so happy, but apparently not a very good creamery worker. Two nights ago I attempted a vanilla frozen yogurt. It was pretty good, but not everything I was hoping for. Tonight I tried a chocolate sorbet, but it turned out more like frozen hershey’s syrup than sorbet. Disappointing.
I am sure if I just stuck to ice cream and milk and heavy cream I...
“Do not be afraid. Stand firm…The LORD will fight for you; you need only be...”
– Exodus 14:14
"Just trust me and let me be your God."
-Henri Nouwen
This is the call on my heart. I will let you be my God.
I will come to you with my worries (which means prayer and practicing your presence). I will come to you with my fears (which means trusting you and letting go). I will come to you for comfort (which means not running to the usual suspects-sweets and late night snacking). I will let you father me and discipline me (which means...
today
Monday has been rough. I have been having crazy anxiety and feeling over all out of control. I can pinpoint it to the fact that I currently have zero clients to help pay my bills. Daily I wrestle with panic, worry, freak outs and tonight it all boiled into a frenzy of cereal eating.
I have no idea how cereal eating is meant to help me calm down, but I ended up there.
Now I am full, fat and still...
homesick?
Am I allowed to be homesick for a city in which I have never lived, let alone called home?
Well, gosh-darn-it, I am!
I miss Victoria, the Sterne’s and the Best’s and the rest of the wonderful people there. I miss the weather and the natural beauty of the Island.
Florida is a swamp. I hate it.
Hopefully I can shake this funk before too many days pass. I am gonna hang out with some...
Victoria. a summary.
Day 2 was spent lounging on a couch while Alastair and the men battled it out paintball style. Had dinner with the Sterne’s and the Best’s and played speed scrabble. Frome here all the days seem to run together. Alex came on Day 3 and so we took him around town and visited with friends. We hit up cactus club, delish. The next day Jess came in town and we had fun hanging out with her...
June 2009
11 posts
Victoria! Day 1 recap
Yesterday was day’o’travel. We got up at 4am eastern (1 am pacific). We traveled for twleve hours and arrived just in time to hang out with Frannie and the nephews. We “enjoyed” a long walk to the bus stop and a long bus ride to then visit Granny Swan at her nursing facility. Nadine met us there as well. After we returned to the house, I did some jumping jacks and fake...
note to self...
Don’t change womanly medications before a family vacation.
Last week my Dr. recommended I “upgrade” my birth control. Since I have decided to trust my dr.’s wisdom I agreed.
Within two days I started to feel, um, different. I felt touchy, moody, zitty, and bloated. I snapped at the smallest annoynce, cried four times in one day for no reason, and gained 2 pounds. Then I...
Dr's appointment
I went to the Dr today. I love her. I love the fact that I can save up six months of worries and fears, write them on my handy dandy note pad, present them to her in my hightened state of anxiety, and walk out of her office as if she had pumped me full of prozac. An answer to my burning questions is better than any anti-anxiety drug I know.
For example, I have a mole on my hand. It has grown to...